


where were you?

by renjuly



Series: where were you? [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Death, M/M, NCT Dream - Freeform, Oh wait, Soulmates AU, chensung - Freeform, i posted this on tumblr already so if you’ve seen that uhhh good job, i really don’t understand this lol sorry, i was mean to everyone in this fic, lol aksjsjsh, markhyuck, my first fic on ao3 sorry if this looks shit, nct - Freeform, norenmin, what the fuck else do i tag, you get a tattoo of the firs thought your soulmate has of you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 01:12:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15697122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjuly/pseuds/renjuly
Summary: soulmate au where the first thought your soulmate has of you is tattooed on your wrist.-or, where donghyuck waits his whole life to meet his soulmate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi skshjs so this is my first fic im posting to ao3, it’s also kinda the first “big” project ive done in terms of fanfiction and im looking forward to doing more <3

Since Donghyuck was 9 he had the word “shit” tattooed on his wrist. It was quite funny, actually, that out of anything anyone could think about him, it was just one simple word, that needed quite a bit of context to explain.

His parents had told him firmly that it was a bad word, and that he shouldn’t use it, but Donghyuck thought, if his soulmate did then surely he could too.

It became Donghyuck’s new favourite word, much to his parents disappointment.

-

When Donghyuck turned 14 he started covering his tattoo because people kept making fun of it.

“Wow, even Donghyuck’s soulmate thinks he’s shit,”

People were mean, but Donghyuck never let it get to him. He had always thought it was funny, and he wasn’t going to let anyone change his mind. Besides, this person was his soulmate. Of course they’d love him.

Most people had quite generic things like “She’s so beautiful,” or “His eyes are incredible,” or whatever else a sappy person in love would think. Donghyuck was glad his soulmate wasn’t sappy. Donghyuck’s soulmate was definitely cool.

-

Donghyuck formed a stable group of friends when he was 15 and moved schools. He wore a plaster on his wrist every day to cover his tattoo, and now only his close friends knew what it said. Donghyuck was glad they found it funny too. 

Donghyuck’s friends also had funny tattoos. They weren’t as “vulgar” as Donghyuck’s, but still entertaining. Jeno had “eye smile,” tattooed on his hand three times. Chenle’s said “OH, that kid is LOUD,” and Renjun’s said, quite simply, “my wig,”.

There were times that Donghyuck wished there was more of an explanation to his tattoo, but he knew he would find out when he met his soulmate. His soulmate was cool, after all. He would definetly tell him straight away.

-

The night Donghyuck turned 19 he laid awake on his bed and looked down at the faded tattoo on his wrist. Recently, his friends had all been meeting their soulmates. Chenle met Jisung and Jeno and Renjun met Jaemin (no one was surprised at that, Jeno and Renjun had been together since birth so by default they nearly had to be soulmates).

Donghyuck caressed the four letters with one finger and looked back up to the ceiling. Whoever he was, he was going to be amazing. Donghyuck had figured out a while ago that he was gay, so he was more than certain his soulmate would be a guy. He wondered if his soulmate was as impatient as he was, he hoped he would be good enough for him. Donghyuck didn’t want to disappoint his soulmate, but he knew that once he found him, it would be worth the wait.

Sometimes Donghyuck liked to doodle on his skin when he thought of his soulmate. He’d draw them both, walking through a huge house with a big garden that was home to them and three friendly corgis. Donghyuck loved dogs, so he was sure his soulmate did too.

But sometimes Donghyuck wanted to meet his soulmate so much that he realised he wouldn’t mind if they didn’t have the perfect life.

He drew what it would be like if they owned an apartment above a hairdressers and made friends with all the workers. He drew what it would be like if they decided not to spend too much money on a house, and instead travel the world together with no fixed abode.

Maybe they’d go out to parties and bars and clubs every weekend for no reason other than to make out and ignore everyone else. Maybe they’d be one of those couples that forget everyone else when they’re together. Donghyuck was sure of one thing, that whoever his soulmate was, he would love him.

Donghyuck’s favourite part of drawing him and his soulmate was looking in the mirror afterwards to see all the drawings. 

Obviously, because he didn’t know what his soulmate looked like, he always drew him with his face blurred. Donghyuck had put so much time into a person he had never met, but every time he looked at the drawings decorated across his skin, he’d remember that his soulmate was probably thinking about him too.

He wondered what words were adorned on his wrist, if Donghyuck’s thoughts were enough to keep his soulmate happy until they met. 

Donghyuck always smiled when he looked in the mirror. He knew he looked good, but when he was covered in stories and dreams of his soulmate, sometimes it felt quite overpowering. He wondered how his soulmate would feel if he saw Donghyuck like this, standing in his bathroom in his boxers with storylines littered along his skin creeping in every direction, down his fingers, and up his thighs. He hoped that his soulmate would think he was beautiful. Donghyuck already knew his soulmate was.

The worst part was showering. It was quite sad for Donghyuck to watch his work wash itself away down the drain. In a way it felt like it represented something, like how Donghyuck had spent so long waiting, long after everyone had met their soulmates, and that he should just give up and let himself forget it all. He never could, though.

-

It was a shame, really. Donghyuck knew he couldn’t keep living his life waiting for something that seemed like it would never happen. He couldn’t keep spending his time thinking about something he had no control over. However, it was still a part of him.

When Donghyuck turned 25 he got his first tattoo of him and his blurred and shadowy soulmate in a colourful hot air balloon together. Donghyuck drew the design himself, and although it wasn’t uncommon for people to get soulmate tattoos, the tattoo artist was very impressed with his work.

2 years later and with a total of 17 tattoos of him and his soulmate across his body, Donghyuck quit his job to work as a tattoo artist.

-

Donghyuck loved his job. He couldn’t imagine a life without it now, and he felt like a bit of an idiot for not realising how perfect the job was for him before. His unique designs and style became incredibly popular and he became one of the most renowned tattoo artists in his area, bringing popularity to the name of the once small tattoo parlour where he grew up.

Of course there were times where Donghyuck felt unbelievably ridiculous, having grown and shaped his whole carreer around a person Donghyuck wasn’t even sure existed anymore. He was always very aware of the fact that his tattoos were permanent, and although he sometimes couldn’t even look at them with the shame of his own loneliness, he didn’t regret having them, as they were a part of his story whether he liked it or not.

As the years had passed, Donghyuck matured. He no longer daydreamed about his soulmate, instead living his life as a single adult and only dipping back into the mind of his 19 year old self when the topic of soulmates was mentioned.

Donghyuck never had a face or a name for his soulmate, and he was troubled by the fact that if he did, he’d no longer be in love with it. He loved the idea of his soulmate, but if it was taking so long to find him, there had to be a flaw. Maybe that flaw was just Donghyuck’s impatience.

-

Some things would always stay the same, though. Like how he, Chenle, Jeno, Renjun, and now Jaemin and Jisung were still friends. It was never really awkward with them, given the fact that they were all in relationships, because they made sure that Donghyuck was never left out. 

Donghyuck presumed that’s why they stayed friends, mainly because they all cared so much for each other, and were especially cautious about Donghyuck’s sensitivity on the topic of soulmates, so the PDA within the lovers of the group was next to non existent.

Donghyuck wished he didn’t have to stop them enjoying their relationships, but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t bother him when they showed their affection. He was almost 28, and still as single as ever. He hoped that one day he would have the strength to move on, and live his life as a solo act, but it was so hard to let go of something he had held onto for so long.

Donghyuck knew he was destined to be with someone, but sometimes it felt like it was all in his head. 

Chenle and Jisung lived in the same apartment block as Donghyuck, and they both worked at a veterinary clinic down the road from Donghyuck’s tattoo parlour, so they took the bus together every morning and evening. Donghyuck was happy at this convenience, as he felt as though he might have drifted apart from the couple had they not had the chance to chat on a daily basis.

Donghyuck wouldn’t have said it to anyone, but Chenle was his favourite out of all of his friends. If he was being honest, he was surprised that Chenle worked at the vet’s because Donghyuck knew how dramatic Chenle could be at the sight of blood in any form. 

He remembered the infamous story of Chenle and Jisung’s first meeting, how Chenle had screamed in laughter at a joke Donghyuck had made as they walked into the clinic on Chenle’s first day of work (which Donghyuck had kindly offered to escort him to as he knew Chenle would rather a familiar face around as he got his barings in the new environment) and Jisung, the receptionist at the time, had asked him kindly to quieten down, which Chenle did abruptly at the sight of the receptionist’s wrist reading his mind.

Donghyuck loved to tease Jisung about how unfortunate it was that they all knew what he was thinking even though he tried so hard to be polite to his newest coworker. 

He would never take it too far, though, as he was always very aware of the kindness the couple always showed him and he didn’t want to hurt them in return. For example, on the bus one would always sit next to Donghyuck instead of them pairing off and leaving him alone. Small things like that were always the things that made Donghyuck’s days better, and he hoped that one day he could genuinely show his gratitude to them.

-

Since they met, Jaemin had always been very open to Donghyuck’s presence, never trying to hog Jeno and Renjun away from him, or belittle him for his relationship status. Donghyuck guessed it was because Jeno and Renjun had warned him, but even if it all was just for show, he never once dropped the act.

Donghyuck hadn’t met someone like Jaemin before. Whenever he was upset, Jaemin was there. Whenever he just wanted to hang out, Jaemin was there. Jeno and Renjun always were too, but with Jaemin it felt a bit more natural. It was like it was his secret mission to make sure no one was uncomfortable. At first, Donghyuck barely noticed his efforts, as they were so subtle, but after he learned to be a bit more vigilant, he saw how Jaemin went out of his way to be nice to Donghyuck.

He had a differnt approach to it, that was for sure, different than Jeno or Renjun’s, who would usually try to avoid saying anything that might upset him, and instead just stay quiet on anything related to soulmates. When Donghyuck turned 20 they had realised this was perhaps the best way to deal with it, but now he was 28, they were certain that the topic should not be mentioned or commented on at all. 

They knew how disappointed Donghyuck was to have missed his chance to spend his late adolescence and early twenties with his soulmate, as it was always said that those would be the best time. Renjun would never forget the look of sorrow and pity he shared with Jaemin when Donghyuck had cried that he wouldn’t be able to grow old with his soulmate if they were already too old to grow anymore.

The three cared so much for Donghyuck as though he was their child, even though they were all the same age and nearing their thirties. Jeno and Renjun had had a private conversation after they introduced Jaemin to Donghyuck about how lucky they were to have a soulmate who clearly already cared so much about their friend. Jeno was always secretly relieved that Jaemin knew how to handle situations when people, especially Donghyuck, were upset. Jeno always felt a bit awkward in those situations, even though he knew he should just suck it up and try to be there for his friend, it was so hard to. He always tried to put himself in the shoes of the person on the receiving end of his comfort, and imagine what Jaemin would to do handle the situation. There had been numerous times that Jaemin had comforted him when he was worried sick about his final exams, and he always admired Jaemin’s ability to deal with people’s feelings.

For example, one time Donghyuck was alone in his apartment after a long day of work on a very big project for a young couple who wanted large matching tattoos. It really wasn’t their fault that it had personally affected Donghyuck so much, but that night he found himself lying on his couch, crying his eyes out and cursing the young couple for having found each other so soon, and for being so obviously happy and in love.

That was when the trio showed up, letting themselves through Donghyuck’s unlocked door. Jaemin came rushing into the living room at the sound of Donghyuck’s sniffles and was the first to envelope him into a big hug which Donghyuck melted into. Jeno and Renjun followed close behind, tetrising themselves onto the couch to join Jaemin in hugging Donghyuck.

With Jaemin, Donghyuck never had to explain what was wrong. Jaemin was a very observant person, immediately noticing the work Donghyuck had open on the coffee table in front of him, of drawings of starfilled night skies, matching constellations and Donghyuck’s famous flawless calligraphy. 

“Hyuckie, you might think you’re lonely, but you always have us,” Jaemin comforted, lifting Donghyuck’s head up by his chin and looking into his eyes.

“We’ll be your soulmates, right guys?,” he smiled, tugging Donghyuck up onto his lap and kissing his forehead. Then he got Jeno and Renjun to kiss both of his cheeks at the same time before Jeno picked him up and carried him to his room where they all cuddled on Donghyuck’s usually empty king size bed. Donghyuck fell asleep with his and Jaemin’s hands intertwined, Renjun running his fingers through his soft hair and Jeno’s warm breath on his neck and arms around his waist from behind. 

They always made sure that Donghyuck never forgot he was loved.

-

All six of them had maintained a strong friendship throughout the years. When everyone else went to different colleges in different countries and forgot about their old friends from school - they never did. Maybe it was the need of close friends at a time where everything was so busy that you could lose them all. 

It seemed unnecessary for Donghyuck to go out and find the right people when, in all honesty, he actually already had them. 

Maybe that was because some of them shared soulmates within the group, but Donghyuck knew he didn’t need it to be written in any constellation for him to be bound to them.

At this time, Donghyuck saw more of Chenle and Jisung because of their working schedules. Jaemin was training to become a teacher which everyone was excited for as Jaemin was well aware that he’d collect some gems of stories in the classroom. Renjun was a bit all over the place, working small jobs here and there just to make enough for a living. Currently it was the summer, so he was working on the beach teaching small kids to swim - it may or may not have been what sparked Jaemin’s interest in teaching, mainly because Renjun had been doing it for so long that he had learned to love the stories during the summer. Jeno was working on opening a small cafe, so he could co-own it with Renjun and grow a small business together. Things were really looking up for them.

In their spare time, which there wasn’t much of, the group liked to go out or stay in someone’s apartment. Once a month, they all went bowling in the city centre. Jisung, Jaemin and Renjun were on one team while Donghyuck, Jeno and Chenle were on the other, and they competed to see which team could score the most points in total. After that, they all went out to eat in a place of the winner’s choice and the losers would pay for their meals.

Donghyuck hardly ever thought about his soulmate anymore. Most people met theirs by the time they turned 18, so he started to blank it out of his mind for the majority of his days. Of course, it would come creeping back up on him when he least expected it, like in TV ads or on the internet or more specifically, in movies. 

Although it was never said, that was the main reason why Donghyuck’s and his friends never went to the cinema.  
It only happened once, but once was enough for them all to get the message that cinemas were clearly not Donghyuck’s scene. It was quite late at night and they had decided to go see midnight screening of a horror movie. 

They didn’t realise it had such a sappy and ridiculous sub-plot of paranormal soulmates, and halfway through the movie Donghyuck got up and left the theatre. On his way home, he stopped at a 24 hour chemist to buy some foundation. When he took it home he locked himself in the bathroom and undressed in front of the mirror, before proceeding to cover his arms and chest and thighs in the makeup. It didn’t cover his tattoos fully, it just put opaque smears across his art.

Then he started crying, because he couldn’t cover it up, because his feelings and dreams were always on display and it messed up his friend’s ability to live their normal lives without having to think twice about his emotional state. He got into the shower, maybe too fast as the water ran cold across his torso, and then burned impossibly hot. He let out a small cry, and that was when he realised he wasn’t alone in his apartment anymore, that his friends had let themselves in and were standing outside of the bathroom arguing about whether they should go in or not.

After half a minute, there was a knock on the door and Donghyuck watched helplessly as the lock undid itself. Curse Jisung and his stupid magic escapologist tricks.

Renjun entered on account of he was the one that had “seen Hyuck naked the most”. He slid it and shut the door, squinting through the steam of the shower and grabbed a towel from one of the cupboards.

“I’m showering,” said Donghyuck plainly, turning away from Renjun and continuing to let the boiling water turn his skin red.

“No you not, get here,” replied Renjun, holding up the towel in his open arms and gesturing for Donghyuck to just get out. Which he did without further hesitation. 

The water turned off rather abruptly, which exposed the chatter outside of the room which had been previously masked by the sound of the motor. Donghyuck stepped carefully out and let Renjun dry him off with the towel. Tears were still streaming down his face, but he hoped they could pass as water from the shower.

“What the fuck,” whispered Renjun, taking the towel back from Donghyuck’s body and staring at the parts of the foundation that had yet to be rinsed off. Renjun ran a finger across Donghyuck’s back, as if to check if his friend was actually melting from the heat of the shower.

“It’s just foundation,” Donghyuck reassured, and Renjun looked at him perplexed before his eyes travelled to the ground where a large almost empty bottle of foundation sat. He threw the towel back on Donghyuck and picked the bottle up, holding it up and raising an eyebrow at him.

“I wanted to cover my tattoos,” Donghyuck admitted blankly, knowing there was no point in trying to hide it when Renjun was the one with the power to keep him naked in this bathroom forever. 

Renjun motioned for him to continue, Donghyuck’s explanation was clearly unsatisfactory.

“I don’t want to be reminded of it anymore,” he choked out, allowing himself to fall into Renjun’s open arms as tears began to stream down his face again. “I see it everywhere, and it stops you guys from doing normal things. You guys do so much- I do so much to avoid anything that reminds me of it but I realised that I’m the biggest reminder there is,”

Donghyuck was fully aware that the rest of them probably had their ears pressed right against the door, and he was okay with that. He wanted them to know.

“I’ll get over it, Renjun. I’m twenty fucking eight for Christ’s sake, I shouldn’t be blubbering about a stupid soulmate for my whole life. I shouldn’t stop myself, and everyone else, from just enjoying life as it is. I’ve been ridiculous, I know. I just wish I didn’t have a fucking soulmate, I wish I never had any stupid tattoos and I wish I never spent so much time thinking about it. But I did, and now all I wish is that I never meet my soulmate, and his stupid shitty thoughts,”

“You don’t meant that,” said Renjun, but Donghyuck was full on sobbing into Renjun’s shoulder and he couldn’t speak anymore. Renjun was left trying to articulate what he should say or what he should do. In the end, he just didn’t say anything and instead opted for helping Donghyuck back into his clothes after he dried off.

Renjun just shook his head at the others who attempted to ask questions when he opened the door. With Donghyuck’s head facing the ground, they walked together to his room and Renjun tucked him into his bed, giving him a kiss on the forehead. He didn’t know what else to say, so he left.

Fifteen minutes later the door opened again and Jisung walked in. Out of the whole group he was probably the least close to Jisung, so this came as a bit of a surprise. He walked over and sat at the side of his bed and began stroking his hair. Donghyuck opened his eyes to look up at Jisung who was staring thoughtfully at him.

“It’s not my place to tell you what to think or wish and I trust that you’ll sort that out on your own but,” he brushed his hand through his own hair and looked away from Donghyuck before continuing, “Whatever you need us to do, we’ll do it. If you want us to stay in your apartment and never go back outside then we will, because we’re a team and we love you. We love you more than any soulmate ever could,”

Donghyuck was touched, and it made him cry, so he sat up next to Jisung who held him and whispered to him that there was nothing they wouldn’t do for him.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear this right now but,” Jisung began, taking a deep breath and looking right at Donghyuck, “I don’t think you should give up on your soulmate. I don’t think you can either. We all know he’s out there somewhere, I just wish you’d stop spending so much time thinking about him, and just let it happen,”

Donghyuck nodded into Jisung’s chest, where his head had relocated to shamefully hide his tears. He was 28. He shouldn’t cry over a soulmate, he probably shouldn’t cry at all. All his friends were functioning adults with jobs and plans and Donghyuck was just a 28 year old tattoo artist that people would eventually lose interest in.

Jisung left Donghyuck’s room when he fell asleep, leaving the blanket off of him because he was still quite hot from the shower. The five friends left the apartment at three in the morning, and locked the door behind them.

-

Donghyuck always had an subconscious feeling that he annoyed his friends with how much he cried and complained. 

Lately, as he was approaching 30, he had stopped. It took him an embarrassingly long time, but he had learned to separate his feelings from his friends, and he was able to watch movies with them no matter the genre.

Jeno still held his hand at the cliché first kiss moments and Jaemin still fed him popcorn to disctract him, even though he didn’t need it. They all still cared, but they had learned to be much less cautious around Donghyuck, who was emotionally maturing.

Better late than never, Donghyuck supposed.

Donghyuck’s 30th birthday was a big deal, to his friends, anyway. Renjun and Jeno had already turned 30, and Jaemin had planned them a massive double birthday party where about half of the city showed up (Jaemin knew a lot of people, it got quite weird). Donghyuck had asked them not to have a party like that, because he just wasn’t comfortable with that many people.

They ended up having an amazing night out at a fancy restaurant, and then going back to Donghyuck’s apartment to get drunk and play wii sports. Donghyuck couldn’t remember the last time he got that drunk with his friends, but he was so drunk that he probably wouldn’t remember this time either.

His friends left the next day when they all woke up grumpy with hangovers and Jisung was not-so-sarcastically complaining about being friends with three 30 year olds now instead of two.

They all left, except for one.

Jeno was still half passed out on Donghyuck’s couch with some drool dripping down the side of his face. Pretty disgusting, if you asked Donghyuck. He shook his friend awake and just as he opened his eyes, Donghyuck remembered.

They had definetly drunk kissed each other last night.

Jisung and Renjun had began an instense match of wii tennis, each with one very loud and drunk supporter, also known as Chenle and Jaemin. Jeno had scooted closer to Donghyuck on the couch and held him in his arms before cupping his jaw with one hand and kissing him firmly on the lips. Donghyuck was quite drunk and didn’t think about anything other than wow Jeno’s lips are so soft.

Jeno was quite skilled with his tongue, it took Donghyuck by surprise more than once in the five minutes they had been making out for. It only ended when a whiny Renjun who had lost the tennis game came over and sat on both of them. 

Donghyuck quickly got up after he was challenged to the next match against Jisung, and just like that, the kiss was forgotten until the next morning.

It seemed as though Jeno remembered too, as he started smiling weirdly and stumbling over his words, asking if Donghyuck remembered too. That was partially because of the hangover and partially because of the awkwardness of making out with one of your best friends in front of both of his significant others.

Donghyuck laughed and threw himself back on the couch, letting it all come back to him. It had been a while since he kissed someone like that. He had been saving it for his soulmate, but the affection, even though he couldn’t remember that well, had felt really nice. He told Jeno he was sorry and the he would apologise to Renjun and Jaemin when he got the chance. To his surprise, Jeno declined his apology.

“I actually asked them if I could do it,” he said, to Donghyuck’s surprise, “Not while we were drunk, obviously, it was a conscious decision. But I don’t know what I was thinking, I’m really sorry. You probably hated it and it probably reminded you of- I’m sorry,”

“It’s okay,” Donghyuck laughed at Jeno’s rambling, “it was nice, really. And honestly, I wouldn’t mind doing it again,”

Jeno was very surprised at that and he started smiling again, finally wiping the drool off of his face.

“But we won’t,” Donghyuck concluded, “I know you want to give me the affection I deserve or whatever, but I don’t deserve it from you. Renjun and Jaemin do, so go and give it to them. You don’t need to protect me, Jeno, I’m a big boy now. I can handle this myself.”

Jeno smiled harder at Donghyuck, clearly glad of how his friend was still maturing and learning from him. Donghyuck was right, though, he had just wanted him to feel loved in that way, because he had known him for so long and he knew the only kiss he ever had was with Chenle when they were 16. It really would be a shame for Donghyuck’s soulmate to kiss someone with the only experience from a 16 year old Chenle.

Jeno nodded and stood up, fixing the cushions on the couch and went into the kitchen to hold his face under the tap because he was too lazy to get a glass. Donghyuck was still sitting on the couch when the door closed behind Jeno and he was on his was home to Renjun and Jaemin. Donghyuck had done the right thing.

Just as Donghyuck was about to get up, the door clicked open again and Jeno returned, walking speedily towards Donghyuck before placing a quick peck on his lips. He gave his friend a hug and then looked him in the eye.

“You really do deserve it, though,” he smiled and hugged Donghyuck once more before leaving again to actually go home this time.

-


	2. Chapter 2

Chenle and Jisung had decided to get married. The friends had helped Jisung propose, figuring out everything from the ring to the proposal itself. Donghyuck’s job was to go to work with Chenle as normal and Jisung would go to work early, waiting for them to arrive.

When they got there, Donghyuck said something to make Chenle laugh just as they walked in the door and Jisung, reenacting how they first met, asked him politely to shut it. Then, Jisung subtly moved his hand so Chenle could see the words “Will you marry me?” written on his wrist.

Chenle had screamed, and Jeno, Renjun and Jaemin climbed out from under the table to see his reaction. They had insisted on being there while it happened even though their adult bodies could barely crouch the same way they could when they were teens.

Jisung practically jumped over the counter when Chenle said yes (even though he wasn’t really sure what else he could say, because they were soulmates) and enveloped him into a huge hug before they kissed eagerly. Jaemin pretended to vomit, but Renjun flicked his forehead, insisting that it was cute.

The wedding was to be in late June. Jisung had proposed in February, so they didn’t have to wait long. Chenle was more than excited, he always wanted a summer wedding, and he was finally getting one. Since Jisung had proposed, every day seemed to be a good day, another day he could spend with his perfect fiancé. (He knew the novelty of marraige would ware off quite soon after, but he wasn’t willing to admit that to himself yet).

The friends began to plan the wedding in advance, planning everything from the venue to the colour of the invitations. Jisung rang his mom the second Chenle accepted his proposal to tell her the good news. She had come over and was helping them with the planning.

Jaemin and Jisung’s mom got on surprisingly well, spending a lot of their free time on the wedding organisations. They both wanted it to be perfect for the couple.

While Jisung and Chenle described their perfect wedding, Jaemin and Jisung’s mom worked hard to make it a reality. They found the perfect venue; a fancy hotel with a ridiculously gorgeous garden for the ceremony. They also took it upon themselves to find the cake perfect for Chenle, as they knew that was nearly the most important part for him. They ended up picking out the most delicious chocolate cake they could find, and when Chenle discovered it, he almost literally jumped for joy.

Jisung didn’t seem to have any strong preferences for the overall ceremony, rather he was enjoying seeing Chenle so happy living out his dream life. Of course, Jisung did make small inputs, in fact, he was responsible for planting the idea of a chocolate fountain in Chenle’s brain. This was going to be one incredible wedding.

-

The preparations were going well, and time was ticking steadily past. Before Donghyuck knew it, he was trying on suits with Chenle in a fancy shop in the middle of the city.

First, Chenle was to try his suit, and then Donghyuck. They wanted undivided attention on the suits to make sure they had the right ones.

As soon as Chenle stepped out of the changing rooms, Donghyuck knew that Jisung was going to faint. Chenle, the boy he had witnessed sneeze into his coffee on numerous occcasions, was a man now, and holy heck did he look good in a suit.  
Chenle laughed at Donghyuck’s awestruck look and turned to look at himself in the big mirror on one side of the room.

“I think the sleeves might be a little-”  
“No, no, its perfect,” interrupted Donghyuck before he actually listened to what Chenle had to say. “Actually wait, they look a little tight, sorry,”

Chenle just laughed again and waited as Donghyuck left the room to get a bigger size for him. Chenle could almost hear the thoughts whirring around Donghyucks head. He knew it was a big thing, marraige and all, and if Donghyuck was feeling like they were only 15 yesterday, then Chenle was feeling the exact same way.

“It feels like we were only 15 yesterday,” Chenle said, vocalising his thoughts as he looked in the mirror with the bigger blazer on. “I can’t believe I’m getting married,”  
Donghyuck shifted in his seat, sighing, “I can’t believe it either,” he said softly, and amusedly, “We’ve been friends for what, fifteen years now?”

“Holy crap,” laughed Chenle, tearing his eyes off of his reflection and looking at Donghyuck’s equally entertained face. Chenle took off the suit jacket and draped it over one of his shoulder, returning his eyes to the mirror and experimenting with different poses.

“Speaking of,” Chenle began, clearing his throat, “I’ve been meaning to ask you something, sorta to do with how long we’ve been friends,”

Donghyuck nodded slowly, and slightly nervously, but he let his friend continue.

“We’ve really grown up together, all six of us, but especially you, Renjun, Jeno and I. And I’ve just been thinking about the wedding and everything, and how much you all mean to me. I feel as though you and I, we’ve always had a close bond, maybe even closer than the others, and really, you’re like an older brother to me, and you’ve been here for me for so long. I just-”

Chenle cut himself off, he knew he was rambling. He took a deep breath and looked Donghyuck in the eye.

“You were right next to me when I met Jisung, I want you to be right next to me when I marry him. Hyuck, will you be my best man?”

Donghyuck was taken aback. He genuinely hadn’t remembered that they needed a best man, but he was still surprised that Chenle chose him over the others, it really touched him.

It was quite sentimental for Donghyuck too, watching his best friend grow up, and get married to the person he had been in love with for years. Donghyuck felt truly happy for Chenle, he deserved the best in the world, and there was no doubt that Jisung could give it to him.

“Of course!” Donghyuck squealed as he took Chenle into a big, bone-crushing hug. He didn’t let go until he realised that he should probably be minding the suit in case it wrinkled, but even then he still held Chenle by his shoulders, and looked at him and the person he had become. He was so proud of him.

It was really starting to hit him now. The reality that Chenle was actually getting married to the man he was bound to, and it felt overwhelming. When Chenle looked back at this moment, he would remember not to tell anyone that Donghyuck had cried just a little.

“Let’s get the best man into a snazzy suit then!” Chenle exclaimed as he clapped his hands together. Donghyuck took Chenle’s suit jacket off of his shoulders. He didn’t want to think about the probability of Jisung doing the same on their wedding night.

Donghyuck hung Chenle’s jacket back up as the latter returned with a suit for him. Donghyuck pulled the curtain of the changing room closed and began to put the suit on.

It felt a little stiff, but that was okay. He knew it was just the starch and hopefully it would be gone by the time the wedding came around. He stepped out and Chenle immediately gasped, dragging him to the nearest mirror to let him admire himself.

Donghyuck didn’t usually asses himself in front of a mirror, so this was quite new to him. He took one overall look before focusing in on the smaller details. Overall it looked okay, not amazing but not terrible. Chenle must have just been being nice by gasping like that, it wasn’t much of a sight to behold. Donghyuck felt a bit too uptight and stuf, he didn’t really feel himself.

Chenle must have noticed his expression, because he came up and stood next to Donghyuck in front of the mirror, speaking coolly.

“You know, it is just our wedding, you don’t have to be too formal,” Chenle smiled, raising his eyebrows. Yeah, Donghuck definitely knew what he meant.  
He looked back in the mirror and took off the jacket. He went back into the main part of the shop and returned with a much thinner one. He put it on and rolled the shirt sleeves over it, pushed it up to his elbows and looked again. Better, but not quite perfect. He turned to Chenle who had sat back down on one of the chairs to the side of the mirror. He was smirking up at Donghyuck, and Donghyuck knew why.

He sighed through a gentle smile and unbuttoned the first three buttons of his shirt. He pushed the collar to the sides, revealing one of his favourite tattoos which he was placed in the centre of his chest.

It was a wedding scene. Donghyuck remembered the countless hours he would lie awake thinking of how perfect it would be to finally marry his soulmate, and he remembered settling for his most frequent drawing to tattoo across his chest.

The scene was two blurrry figures in suits holding hands in front of an arch of flowers. Donghyuck never fully explained to anyone why he never drew the face or shape of his soulmate, but now he realised. It didn’t matter, because Donghyuck wasn’t drawing his soulmate, he was just drawing love, and right now that love was Chenle and Jisung.

Chenle smiled at him through the mirror. He had always been the biggest supporter of Donghyucks tattoos, he genuinely thought that they were really cool. He was there when Donghyuck got this particular one, and he remembered how Donghyuck had asked to hold his hand even though it was his 6th tattoo already, he just hadn’t gotten used to the pain.

As if on cue, Jaemin entered the fitting rooms just as they were checking themselves out in the mirror.

“Woah,” he said plainly, stopping in his tracks at the sight of his two friends who were both now suddenly handsome. He was holding a small cake box in his hands, and Donghyuck hoped to god that he wouldnt drop it anywhere near something they might have to pay for.

“Chenle, dashing as always,” he complimented, walking towards them, “but Donghyuck, man I haven’t seen you look this good since that time you wore a dress,”

Chenle chuckled at the memory and Donghyuck rolled his eyes.

“But seeing your neck out like that, mmm,” Jaemin began to moan, coming closer, “I just want to bite-”

Jaemin came so close to biting Donghyuck’s neck that if he hadn’t been pushed, he probably would have done it. Donghyuck heard the sound of Jaemin’s teeth snapping together as Chenle pushed him away and guided him to set the cake box down on the chair before he could do any damage. Jaemin was just chuckling at his own antics.

“Anyway,” he said, opening the cake box and licking his fingers that he had somehow got icing all over, “Sorry, I’m late for this, Sharon and I were testing out some more cakes while we planned the rest of the decorations for the venue. I figured I would make it up to you guys by bringing you some,”

“Hold on, who’s Sharon?” Donghyuck asked, looking over at an equally confused Chenle.

Jaemin had shoved a handful of cake into his mouth and was now talking with his mouth half full. “Oh, see I don’t actually know Jisung’s mom’s name so I just made one up.” he swallowed the cake and looked and the two as if it was the most obvious thing to do if you didn’t know someones name, “Sharon is a mom name, right?”

Chenle and Donghyuck exachanged a glance, before their gaze was averted by Jaemin shoving a piece of cake into Chenle’s mouth, and all over his face with his fingers.

Chenle hummed angrily in disagreement, and Donghyuck’s hands im mediately flew to his chin to stop any crumbs from getting onto his shirt.

“Ew, Jaemin,” scolded Donghyuck in a tone that matched the look on Chenle’s face. “Go wash your hands and then come back to try on your suit,”

Jaemin pinched Chenle’s cheek and left for the bathroom, bringing his grubbiness with him.

“How on earth do Renjun and Jeno live with him?” Donghyuck joked while helping Chenle clean his face with a wipe he had sourced from the bag Chenle had brought.

“I think they needed a break. They knew whe would be bringing the messy cake so they both went to get their suits with Jisung. Sneaky, but not smart enough” Chenle sighed, after swallowing the cake that would’ve tasted nice, had there not been the underlying flavour of Jaemin’s sticky fingers.

“They love me,” corrected Jaemin, reappearing in the dressing room “They’re getting ready together like schoolgirls, and I’m the boyfriend they want to impress,”

“Whatever makes you sleep at night,” smiled Chenle.

“Where’s my suit?’ asked Jaemin, ignoring Chenle and returning to the main part of the shop to look for it.

-

After that, Jaemin seemed to be showered with even more affection from the two men. There was no doubt that Jaemin had told them what he overheard in the dressing room, and Donghyuck envied his honesty.

He was happy, though, that Jaemin was being loved. Especially by Jeno, who had recently taken to giving him flowers and making him "special hot chocolates” at the end of his shift at the cafe while Renjun cleaned up. It would seem unfair to Renjun until you saw first hand the amount of work he did when Jeno wasn’t around.

The wedding was coming closer and closer and now there were only a couple weeks to wait. Jisung had asked Jaemin to be his best man, and the look of Jaemin’s face had been priceless. It was no secret that Jaemin had a soft spot for Jisung (well, he had a bit of a soft spot for everyone, but Jisung in particular), so he was absolutely over the moon at the news and it only added to his excitement when he found out that Donghyuck would be Chenle’s.

Chenle and Jisung had scheduled their breaks from work, which had been difficult to sort out, as they worked in the same place. Renjun had recommended they go on a cruise for their honeymoon, so they could travel and see loads of places instead of just one. So after that was all sorted out, the only thing left to do was, well, get married. 

The monthly bowling night of June was coming up, and Jaemin made a point of saying that it would be their last time bowling as unmarried men. Donghyuck shuddered at the thought.

One of the most lame parts about their bowling nights was that they really made it a big deal. They all had their bowling ball and designated bowling clothes that they would only wear on these nights. Jaemin’s outfit was especially eye catching. He usually wore a black sweater and black skinny jeans, but at the back of them there wa the word “JUICY” written in bright pink sparkling letters. He claimed that he would be able to focus more if he was sure that everyone was looking at his ass rather than his bowling skills. 

Donghyuck thought he just looked like an idiot. A practically middle aged man wearing teenage girl pants in a bowling alley on a Saturday night? Donghyuck was embarrassed to be seen with him.

Compared to that, Donghyuck’s outfit was quite plain, a white short sleeved button up shirt and black jeans. Very simple but very classy. 

This night was different to the others, as the group stayed in the bowling alley so late, that everyone had already left. The tired worker had asked them politely to start wrapping up their game, but a slightly tipsy Renjun shushed him in favour on focusing on getting a strike.

The worker just let him get on with it, he had probably seen this a million times before and was just set on getting them out as fast as he could, if that meant he had to let them finish up first. When Renjun got his strike, Jaemin and Jisung cheered for their team. They had won this time.

“We win!” he exclaimed and the three started dancing around like the dumbest idiots on the planet.

“In a way, don’t we all win?” Jeno joked, putting his hand on his heart, “Isn’t the fulfilment of being together as a group more important than any game-” Jeno was cut of by Donghyuck shoving him playfully and Jisung’s prolonged “eww”.

“Don’t be like that, Jeno,” mocked Jaemin, pouting at Jeno and leaning in for a quick kiss. Donghyuck wondered if Jaemin knew exactly what Jeno’s lips had done when they were drunk. Probably, and probably Renjun too. There was a severe lack of privacy in this group.

“No we don’t,” the worker chimed in even though no one invited him to talk, “we don’t all always win, we don’t always get what we want,”

The mood in the room instantly dropped and it became so awkward you could physically feel it in the air. Everyone had known Jeno was just joking.

“Can you guys please just leave, I wanna go home,” pleaded the worker and the friends nodded and left immediately, the last to leave being Jisung, who patted the worker on the back and said “Life is pain,”

When they got outside they all let out the laughter they had been trying to hold in.

“That guys has some serious issues,” Chenle squeaked and Donghyuck laughed. Whenever Chenle got even slightly drunk he would laugh ten pitches higher than his normal one. It was next to impossible not to laugh at that.

“Okay kids,” said Jeno after they all stopped laughing. The worker was probably sad after something terrible happening in his life, but the friends were too ignorant, or rather, too oblivious to understand, and didn’t realise that they probably shouldn’t have been laughing at the man’s depressing and negative state.

“We’re gonna head,” Jeno spoke on behalf of his boyfriends, “It’s cold and late, so see you all later,”

The trio stumbled away giggling in the opposite direction to where the other three were heading. Walking home in the dead of night wasn’t the best idea, but sure, no one would mug someone with a laugh like Chenle’s.

“I can’t believe you beat us again, Jisung,” Chenle complained. Renjun, Jisung and Jaemin’s team had been on a bit of a winning streak the past few months, and Chenle was starting to get pissed. The poor man had never gotten a strike, not even once, but he was still determined to beat them.

“It’s natural talent, Chenle, you’ll understand when you discover yours,” Jisung teased, “Hyuck, you got like ten strikes in that game, seriously I was impressed,”

“Yeah, I’d say we would’ve won if it weren’t for Zhong Gutterball over here,” Donghyuck responded, earning a flick on the shoulder from Chenle and a laugh from Jisung.

They reached their apartment block in less than ten minutes, they were quite lucky it was such a short walk from the city centre, none of them really needed to drive if they could walk everywhere. But it was always an ambition of Donghyuck’s to own a motorbike one day, and it would be easy to keep in the parking area of the apartments.

In the elevator, Jisung started falling asleep leaning on Chenle. It was quite entertaining, as after all these years, Jisung was still taller than him.

“We won’t be taking the bus with you to work on Monday morning, by the way,” whispered Chenle, even though Jisung would have to wake up anyway to walk down the halls, “We have a meeting with the holiday adviser for our honeymoon, so we’ll be late to work, but we’ll get the bus back,”

“No bother,” smiled Donghyuck as the two got out of the elevator, Chenle waving a small goodbye as the doors closed. Finally, peace.

-

Monday morning came too quick and Donghyuck was still worn out from Saturday night. He had spent his entire Sunday sprawled out on his couch watching movies, drinking tea, and googling scone recipes. His mother had called him asking if he wanted her to make scones for him as she recently found a recipe that was brilliant. 

Donghyuck wanted to find a better one and surprise her when she came to stay over for the wedding.

Today, Donghyuck’s first appointment was with a young girl getting her first tattoo, so he wore a colourful short sleeved button up to show off his own stylish tattoos for her.

He checked his phone and realised he was already running late, and he had missed his bus. He would just have to walk.

He left the apartment block and was halfway there when he had to stop and the crossing, which was currently on a red light. There didn’t seem to be any cars coming, he could j-walk, right?

Maybe he was a bit too hasty, he shouldn’t really rush on a busy road. The problem was, he realised that a little too late. He realised when there was an indescribable pain is his hip from the strong impact of a car, and when his head hid the concrete below him with an audible crack. When pedestrians panicked from every angle they had of the sight of thick blood pumping out from his head, flowing steadily across the pavement, and when Dongyuck’s vision faded completely to black.

It was too late for him to realise when the driver, a man named Mark Lee, stepped out of his car to come face to face with his dead soulmate, and the guilt of killing him.

“Shit”

He thought.

-


	3. Chapter 3

Mark panicked. He hadn’t seen the pedestrian run in front of the car until it was too late, and Mark had possibly killed him, so what did that mean? He didn’t know anything about the laws if you accidentally kill someone.

No, he wasn’t dead. Mark needed to think positive. He didn’t kill anyone. He didn’t.  
The man was unconscious on the floor, and it was Mark’s fault. People were staring in horror, some people were crying, traffic had stopped and right now Mark needed to do something, to do anything.

“You,” he called out to a man approaching them, “What’s your name?”

“Johnny,” the man responded

“Johnny, go call an ambulance and tell me when you’re done,”

Johnny immediately took out his phone and began calling. Mark kneeled down in front of the unconscious man and checked for the rise and fall of his chest, then he checked his pulse. It was so, so slow.

Shit.

Tears started spilling out of his eyes. This man probably had a family, a wife, children, parents, friends and instead of living, he was dying, and it was Mark’s fault. It was all Mark’s fault, he should have been watching, he should have been driving slower.

Johnny returned to tell him the ambulance had been called, and then he left, probably because Mark was in no place to make conversation.

Mark stared at the man through his blurred vision. His shirt soaked up Mark’s tears as they fell. He had fucked up bad.

He noticed the tattoos across the man’s arms, all of couples, presumably the man and his soulmate. One that caught Mark’s attention was the couple in a hot balloon together. Had all these things actually happened? Had Mark caused the worst ending to a love story? Mark held his hand, and turned it around to see his wrist, of course the man has a soulmate just like everyone else.

Wait.

“Shit”

No. That wasn’t possible. This man couldn’t be Mark’s soulmate, Mark didn’t have one, Mark didn’t even have a soulmate tattoo.

It suddenly struck him. Mark didn’t have a tattoo because he had just killed his soulmate. His soulmate would never wake up, would never see him, would never think about him.

Mark couldn’t help himself, he unbuttoned the man’s shirt a bit, and sure enough, there were more tattoos. A wedding scene, an archway of flowers, the wedding that he would never be able to attend.

He distracted himself by searching the man’s pockets. The ambulance would need as much information about this man as he could find, so he got his wallet and took out his ID. His name was Lee Donghyuck, and he was a year younger than Mark. Things were piecing together more than Mark wanted them to.

Mark couldn’t breathe, the pain in his heart was becoming too tight and rough for him to think anymore, so he let out a single sob which turned into near-scream of pain and fear. 

He couldn’t do anything else, so he just cried and screamed into Donghyuck’s chest and ignored the people crowding around them in panic.

They didn’t understand. Mark had spent his life wishing he got a tattoo like everyone else, praying that there was someone, just one person in the world destined to love him. He gave up on that dream long ago, but here he was, watching his soulmate die in his arms.

He wrapped his hands around the back of Donghyuck’s head, feeling the lack of resistance and watching as his head flopped lifelessly as Mark moved.

“Lee Donghyuck,” Mark cried into Donghyuck’s neck, holding him as close as he could. It was so hard for Mark to process that he had a soulmate, and that said soulmate was dying in his arms.

Donghyuck’s blood was on his hands, quite literally, but Mark didn’t care, he just cried and screamed as he felt Donghyuck’s life trickling down his wrists and staining him forever.

“Lee Donghyuck, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry,” he choked out, cradling the man in his arms. He was broken far beyond repair, his once coloured shirt now almost completely red from the other injuries it was covering. Even if Donghyuck somehow lived through this, he would never be the same. Not that Mark knew what that was, anyway.

All he could do was cry and wait and spend probably his only moments with his soulmate as Donghyuck’s heart was stopping, and Mark’s was breaking with him.

The ambulance arrived, and they separated Mark from Donghyuck, much to his protests. He watched as they checked his vital signs and stripped Donghyuck of his shirt, revealing more and more tattoos, covered in blood and bruises.

They took Donghyuck into the ambulance, and Mark came with them, saying that he was his soulmate but leaving out the fact that they had never met before. They hadn’t declared him dead yet, and as they say, no one dies in an ambulance, so Mark still had time.

He held Donghyuck’s hand, ignoring everything but his soulmate. He kissed the back of his hand, because he didn’t have the right to kiss anywhere else.

Mark traced the pictures on Donghyuck’s cold skin, and lowered his head in shame. 

Donghyuck wasn’t married and he didn’t have kids. He was waiting to be found by someone who wasn’t looking.

He knew that if Donghyuck really was his soulmate, then he had fallen in love with him a long time ago, and Mark wanted to fall in love with him too. He couldn’t see him properly, behind the blood and pain and the inhuman mask of death, and Mark knew he would have to accept that he’d never see more than that.

He held Donghyuck’s hand close to his face, crying into their intertwined fingers and shutting his eyes, praying that when he opened them, Donghyuck would be awake.

Mark hugged Donghyuck again, ignoring the people telling him to stop. This would be his last chance, and he wasn’t letting go until he had to.

The ambulance arrived at the hospital and Mark watched as the paramedics hurried Donghyuck down the hall. He took one last look at Donghyuck as he was swept away from Mark. The cold and sickly look of death covered any part of life left in his face, and it would be the only way Mark would ever see him. Everything felt silent except for Mark’s own sobs.

He was left standing at the reception staring down the hall, long after Donghyuck had completely disappeared from sight. Mark didn’t bother waiting for the news, he knew Donghyuck was dead, even an idiot could’ve seen it in his face.

Mark left the hospital and sat on the steps leading up to the front entrance. He put his head in his hands and cried, and cried, and cried.

-

Chenle was the first to hear the news from Donghyuck’s mother. He was finishing up his shift when his phone rang. He answered immediately, concerned as to why she was calling him.

The first thing he heard from the other line was the heart wrenching sobs of a grieving mother, and his heart dropped.

Jisung came over the second Chenle ended the call and hugged him as hard as he could as the older man cried silently in pain and disbelief.

“Jisung,” he sobbed, getting saliva and tears all over his fiancé’s shoulder, “Donghyuck is dead.”

Jisung stopped to look at Chenle. He didn’t believe it, Donghyuck had been with them two days ago. He couldn’t be dead.

“A car knocked him down,” Chenle choked out, returning to Jisung’s arms for comfort, tears dampening Jisung’s shirt as if he had been caught in the rain. 

Jisung remained silent.

“Where is he?” Jisung asked weakly, in a hoarse whisper.

-

The five met at the hospital Donghyuck had been rushed to. Renjun had also received a call from Donghyuck’s mother, and as the three lived nearer, they arrived about five minutes before Chenle and Jisung.

They found the three of them in the waiting room with Donghyuck’s parents. 

Renjun was hugging Donghyuck’s mother and the look on both of their faces could only be described as pure sorrow. Jaemin was kneeling on the floor sobbing his heart out while Jeno held him from behind, crying just as hard, but silently. 

Donghyuck’s father was talking to one of the nurses, and it was clear how hard he was trying to hold back his tears.

Chenle and Jisung immediately came over and gave a hug to each of the people there in speechless understanding as they suffered the same loss.

Donghyuck’s father was silent when he returned from talking with the nurse. 

Then, he coughed and spoke to the group.

“The nurse said there was a man here earlier. Said he was Hyuck’s soulmate,”

The group reacted slowly, unsure of who that man might have been. Was he actually Donghyuck’s soulmate?

“Where did he go?” asked Jeno, sniffling.

“They don’t know, all they said was he was a brunet and covered in blood. He left without saying anything to anyone.”

Confusion spread through the group, coupling painfully with their grief and giving at least half of them headaches. 

They all knew Donghyuck had never met his soulmate, it had almost become a defining part of his personality. So who was this man that had slipped into his life so suddenly, and left just as fast?

“Let’s focus on planning the funeral first,” said Donghyuck’s mother, which sparked another wave of tears over the group. 

Funerals and removals and death, it was all so new to them, they shouldn’t have had to worry about this for years.

“We also need to figure out what we want to do legally about the driver,” 

Donghyuck’s father added, “As far as they know, Donghyuck walked out in front of the car, and he was hit,”

Jaemin sobbed harder into his hands at the mental image of his best friend bleeding out alone in the middle of a road. 

His horrific thoughts matched Jeno’s horrified expression as the two held each other closer.

Jisung has walked to the other side of the room and was staring out of the window, his hands shaking. Renjun went to try and comfort him but he was pushed away.

Grief affected people in different ways.

-

One day passed and the unmistakable absence of a friend and a family member seemed to linger in a raincloud above them all. 

Donghyuck’s apartment hadn’t been touched and there was a gaping hole in everyone’s life. It was unbelievable, really, how much you take someone for granted until they’re not there. That phrase never really had meaning until you’ve lived through it.

The funeral was scheduled for Monday, but no one was ready for it.

As Donghyuck’s parents planned everything, the five grieved in each other’s company but rarely talked. They spent most of their time at Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin’s apartment, as it was the biggest. 

Although, at this particular time, they were sitting outside of the hospital, waiting for more details on Donghyuck’s death, which none of them really wanted.

A brunet man approached them with bags under his eyes, and he was blinking fast and forcefully, while simultaneously trying to calm his fidgeting fingers.

 

“Um,” he started, barely grabbing the attention of the five mourning men in front of him. “My name is Mark Lee, and I-” he cut himself off to facilate a large sob mixed with a hiccup.

He covered his eyes with one of his hands that were shaking uncontrollably. Even compared to the others, he was a mess.

‘I’m the one who knocked down your friend, I’m so sorry,“ the words tumbled out of his mouth so fast that the men weren’t sure if they had heard him correctly.

"What?” someone said quietly. None of them had expected him to come forward and say that, let alone to them of all people.

Instead of keeping quiet like he had been the past two days, Jisung stood up and walked over to Mark and punched him once in the face, and then twice, harder. 

Mark let out a scream of pain as Jisung inspected his knuckles. It had been a good few punches, and would definetly leave something for Mark to learn from.

“Jisung!” the others scolded their youngest friend. They were adults, they shouldn’t be solving their problems like teenagers.

“You can’t do that,” Jaemin warned as Chenle ran over to Mark to see the damage.

“Are you okay?” Chenle asked as he tried to move Mark’s hand that was covering his face. Mark started crying, and it wasn’t because if the pain, but because of the comfort and hospitality he didn’t deserve. 

“Jisung, what the fuck,” Chenle cursed. It was very unusual for him to swear, which was Jisung’s first hint to how mad he was. 

“You know Donghyuck was in the wrong on that road, this isn’t Mark’s fault”

“He fucking deserves it,” Jisung spat, shaking with anger, “So what if Donghyuck ran out on that road, he still killed him!”

“Jisung,” Jaemin warned, placing a hand on the younger, only to be violently pushed away.

“Get off me!” Jisung yelled, walking away. 

As he passed Mark, he shoved him harshly with his shoulder and growled “murderer!” before storming off, clenching and unclenching his fists as he went. 

Jisung was being irrational, but grief was clouding his judgement.

None of the men knew what to do except look back at Mark who was staring with wide eyes at the floor, tears falling everywhere they could reach, and sobs haunted with the weight of someone’s life.

“I’m sorry, I deserved that, I’m so sorry,” pleaded Mark, choking out sighs and almost falling over as he attempted to somehow steady his breathing and regain his composure. He attempted to get away from Chenle, who had a hand on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, I’m going to leave now”

It was clear, and not just from his words, of how sorry Mark was. He was shaking and crying, and he looked like he hadn’t slept a wink since the accident. The man was probably in shock, and he was trying to make things right.

“No, Mark,” said Chenle, refusing to let go of him, “At least let me help you clean up your face, Jisung shouldn’t have punched you like that,”

“I can’t accept that,” choked Mark, covering his face so the others didn’t have to see him cry over a stupid hit, when Donghyuck had died because of his injuries. Injuries that Mark had caused him to get.

“Yes you can,” confirmed Chenle, dragging Mark away from the group and into the bathrooms inside the hospital.

When they were safely indoors and it was just him and Chenle in the bathroom, Mark began to calm down. He let out a deep sigh and steadied his breath while Chenle dampened a cloth.

“Let me see,” requested Chenle, tilting Mark’s head up and inspecting his face. 

“You’ve got a split lip, and your eye is bruising, fuck”

Chenle sighed, “I’m so fucking sorry for Jisung, he really shouldn’t have done that. I know it wasn’t your fault. Donghyuck was my best friend and running out in front of a car is the exact thing he would do”

Chenle was trying to comfort Mark, but he could tell it was only hurting him. Mark felt like he had ruined their lives, like he was a monster. But here he was allowing the man he killed’s best freind to clean a stupid cut on his lip. 

“Jisung is my soulmate, so I’m stuck with him,” joked Chenle, trying to change the subject. Soulmate. There was that word again. “He’ll come around. He’ll apologise to you, I promise,”

“He doesn’t need to,” Mark disagreed with a lump in his throat.

“Mark, would you stop disagreeing with me?” Chenle whined, as Mark hissed at the contact of the cold water against his split lip. The two fell into a silence as Chenle finished washing up the blood.

“I’m also…” Mark began quietly, trying to gauge whether or not this was the right time to say it. “Donghyuck’s soulmate. I’m Donghyuck’s soulmate.”

Mark began to panic again as the reality of his words sank in, and as Chenle stared at him in shock and surprise.

“You are?” he asked “Were you the one with him at the hospital?”

Mark nodded meekly. It felt wrong for him to be claiming such a title from Donghyuck. The man in front of him was his best friend, probably had been for years, and it seemed a little arrogant to try to and top that. Either way, he deserved to know.

Chenle covered his mouth with his hands as tears started spilling out of his eyes faster than Mark could see them. He tried to wipe them off the younger one’s face but was instead enveloped into a huge hug as he felt a damp patch grow on his shoulder. Chenle was a silent crier, Mark observed. It matched his positive personality, but it made Mark wonder if he usually ever showed weakness.

“He’s been waiting for you for so long… I didn’t know if you were even real,” Chenle cried, hugging Mark tight. It was comforting, but it didn’t soothe the cold feeling that had been sinking heavy in Mark’s chest from the loss of a love he would never know.

The two returned back from the bathroom after Mark had been cleaned up. Only Renjun and Jeno were sitting there, as Jaemin had gone after Jisung.

It was hard for Mark to look either in the eye, when he knew that Chenle was about to tell them who he was to Donghyuck. 

Part of him was thankful that Chenle had offered to say it, as Mark couldn’t bare to do it again, but the other part of him was terrified of their reactions. They hadn’t said anything when Jisung punched him, so maybe they both secretly wanted to do it too. Either way, Chenle was the most understanding out of all of them, and even at that it had been a nightmare to tell him.

So yeah, Mark’s nerves were kicking in again.

Renjun wouldn’t look up from the ground, and Jeno was the opposite, glaring holes into everything with a look on his face that made Mark wish he never got a driving license in the first place.

“Mark is Donghyuck’s soulmate” Chenle announced before Mark could back out.

Jeno’s face immediately softened, but then he furrowed his eyebrows and he grabbed for Mark’s wrist, being a bit more careful when the Mark flinched back in fear. Jeno shut his eyes tight when he realised that, of course, there would be no tattoo. He bent over and sighed into his hands, not really sure what to do or say.

“How do you know?” asked Renjun plainly, with his jaw pushed forward and staring straight ahead of him with glassy eyes. 

That wasn’t a good question to ask someone who had found out about their soulmate by murdering them.

“Renjun,” Chenle sighed as he took Mark in for another hug. Chenle could see that Mark was replaying the accident in his head. What he didn’t know was that it had been replaying over and over ever since it happened, and Mark wasn’t escaping the guilt anytime soon.

“So what,” snarled Jeno, sitting up and matching the hateful expression on Renjun’s face, “You were his soulmate. He’s dead. You fucking killed him,”

Mark swallowed thickly and then took a deep breath in, but he couldn’t stop another wave of tears from overcoming him.

“All I wanted to say was I’m sorry, and I wish I could’ve met Donghyuck and loved him before it was too late. I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry,” Mark began to walk away, shutting his eyes tight when Chenle gripped his arm for him to stay.

“Mark, at least come to the funeral, it’s on Monday at 11am,” he asked softly.

Mark let more tears run down his cheeks, “I’ll be there,” he said.

Walking away, Mark felt cold. The tears dried and stuck to his face in tracks down his cheeks. His eyes, lips and nose were swollen and he couldn’t stop sniffling, despite how many times he tried.

When he returned home, he ran himself a hot bath and washed himself thouroughly for half an hour, not stopping to relax. 

When he was finished, he was entirely clean, but somehow the blood still wasn’t gone.

-


	4. Chapter 4

The funeral came around faster than anyone wanted, which was too soon for anyone to see Donghyuck’s body for the last time. They had decided to hold it in a small funeral home, because they knew how even though Donghyuck was quite outgoing, he never liked big affairs.

About 70 people showed up, including Dongyuck’s family, friends and coworkers. Donghyuck’s family sat up at the front row, with his friends sitting in the row directly behind them. People walked by to shake hands and give their apologies to the family, but none of it felt like it meant anything.

Mark had showed up, but he hadn’t made any contact with the friends or family, out of basic manners. It was more or less common sense not to speak to the people who’s lives you had ruined, especially not at the funeral. He sat at the back, watching as if he were only a distant friend or a cousin twice removed.

When the ceremony was finishing up, family and close friends were allowed behind the curtain to see Donghyuck’s coffin be opened. Everyone else began to leave the building to wait outside, and Mark went with them.

Donghyuck’s parents were the first to step up to the open coffin. They were there only a minute before they forced themselves to go. If they hadn’t, they never would have left.

The rest of Donghyuck’s family passed through and shortly, it was time for the five friends to go in.

The scene was painted so painfully. It was never something any of the men standing there would have thought they would have to face. The thick velvet curtains showed the red colour that once may have been in Donghyuck’s cheeks, or his lips. Now, a ghostly green was present, and the look of emptiness that felt purely raw.

No, this was always there, inside everyone. But it felt to soon to be around, so weak and fragile that the five feared Donghyuck’s skin would wither at the touch. He was so close to them, but he was so long gone.

They stood in a semi circle around the casket, their last time together as six. It was hard to compare an expression like Donghyuck’s to one of peace. It was more one of unrest, and unfinished business. Like a phone that was still ringing inside his lungs, to see if anyone was still there, anyone who could still fulfill the many things that he had yet to do. But nobody was home. Nobody to answer the call, and wake up to finish a life cut short. 

Donghyuck was gone, he wasn’t coming back.

Renjun fell to his knees, the thud echoeing through the empty hall and masking the chatter outside for a split second. It reminded him of being in a school classroom while everyone was playing outside. Exciting, you’d think, until you were actually there, because then, it was cold and lonely and all you’d want to do would be to leave. Renjun felt his mind walking to the doors leaving the school, beginning to run as the doors came closer in sight, faster and faster and just so eager to leave.

A loud sob found its way past Renjun’s lips. None of them deserved this, especially not Donghyuck. They were supposed to stick together forever, since they were 15. Renjun hated this kind of grief, everything he and Donghyuck had ever done together racing through his mind all at once. The relevance of Donghyuck’s soulmate in all of their lives had been no exaggeration. In a world where everyone has their other half by the time they’re 18, Donghyuck just had to be the exception. And even though Renjun was mad, he had to remember that this was about Donghyuck, and that Donghyuck and Mark both deserved closure.

He took a deep breath and got up, leaving the room as fast as he could. The decision had been made, and he was going to find Mark in this crowd somewhere. In the end, Renjun found him leaning against one of the walls, staring into space. He straightened up at the sight of the younger man, but Renjun hadn’t come to talk.

Mark followed Renjun quietly back into the funeral home. It would have been rude to decline the offer, and plus Mark felt like he needed to be there.

Chenle and Jaemin were still in there. Donghyuck’s parents had sat back down and were hugging each other while the rest of the family went outside. Renjun stood with Mark on the side as they waited for the two to leave.

Jaemin left first, but Chenle remained inside, staring at the corpse as if it was anything more than skin and bones. When he left, he went out the opposite side that Mark was at. Mark felt nervous as Renjun gestured for him to go in.

Mark could see more now than he could from the back of the room. There were flowers, and photos, and letters that mark couldn’t bare to look at or else he would be reminded of how much he fucked up these people’s lives. Donghyuck was wearing a suit. The jacket was very thin and the sleeves were rolled up. The first three buttons were undone leaving his wedding tattoo on full display. His hair was combed back from his face, showing his softly closed eyelids and expression so far from that of a sleeping person’s.

Mark felt an indescribably heavy feeling in his throat and in his chest, similar to how he had felt only a week ago when he was crying in the middle of the street over this very person. He felt as though he could swallow the lump in his throat, so he tried, and it was still there, but it felt different.

His gaze wandered to Donghyuck’s hands which were crossed over his chest. They looked quite bony now they weren’t covered in blood. Mark reached out to touch one. He held in firmly even though he was so scared of how delicate Donghyuck was. No one was watching, so he leaned down to place a soft kiss to Donghyuck’s forehead. Mark mentally berated himself. That had felt weird. No one kisses a fucking corpse, what made him feel like he had a right to, anyway? 

Letting go of Donghyuck’s hand, Mark took one last look at his soulmate, a stranger, and walked away.

Six heads looked in his direction as he emerged from behind the curtain. Donghyuck’s five friends and his dad, Mark guessed they would be the pall bearers. He began to make his way outside with everyone else before he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Donghyuck’s dad, looking intensely into his eyes. Mark knew by the look on his face that he knew who he was, and Mark had never felt so vulnerable in his life.

He was pulled into a firm hug and Mark couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down his face. He buried his head in the man’s shoulder as he didn’t feel like seeing the sorrowful faces of Donghyuck’s friends staring at him. As he pulled back from the hug, he decided to brave it and gave them all, especially Renjun a sympathetic and thankful look before leaving the building quietly.

Watching the six men carry the coffin on their shoulders gave Mark a feeling that he knew no one else in this crowd had, maybe no one else in this world. He wished they could understand, or try to understand how it felt to be the murderer of your own soulmate, at the very first time you met them.

Mark was invited to go to the graveyard with them, but he felt like he was miles away. He missed every word they said, instead focusing on the curves of the letters on the headstone, the dirt being thrown onto the coffin, and the tears in people’s eyes who didn’t know who he was, or what he had done. It felt terrifying.  
As he left the graveyard half an hour later, five men approached him in forgiveness.

“We talked it over,” said Jeno, “We know Donghyuck wouldn’t have wanted us to hold grudges, especially not from you,”  
“Yeah,” continued Jisung before sighing and pointing vaguely at Mark’s face, “I’m sorry for punching you,”

Mark shook his head. They didn’t need to apologise for anything, especially not something as small as that.

“It’s fine” he breathed and Chenle opened his arms for a hug, a group hug. Mark felt Jaemin’s arms wrap around his neck, and Jeno’s on the other side of him. He felt such an unbelievable relief.

“We’d like to be friends, if that’s okay,” said Jaemin on behalf of the group. Mark hadn’t really had any contact with Jaemin when he first approached the five, so this was actually the first time he had spoken directly to him.

“It’s more than okay,” smiled Mark. He was so happy to be forgiven, even when he did the most unforgivable thing. “and if you wouldn’t mind, I’d really like you to tell me about Donghyuck.”

-

The first time the five got in contact with Mark again was two weeks later. They had exchanged phone numbers for whenever they wanted to plan a meetup.

Mark had learned that Jaemin’s way of dealing with grief was talking, the same way Jisung’s was punching people. Mark had met them all outside a small cafe, which he soon discovered belonged to Jeno and Renjun, and as they started walking with Chenle leading the way, Jaemin had talked the most. Really, he was quite thankful because at least there wasn’t an uncomfortable silence hanging among them.

After about ten minutes of walking and Jaemin nattering on about anything and everything, Chenle announced where they were actually going.

“I’m taking you to Donghyuck’s workplace. He was a tattoo artist and he spent so much time on each individual tattoo, especially his own, I though you might like to see them.”

Mark was looking forward to it, but at the same time, he was so nervous. It dawned on him for the millionth time how much of a stranger he was, how he shouldn’t become complacent as there was so much that he didn’t know, so much things he couldn’t and would never be able to claim. But when he stepped into the tattoo parlour, he felt an overwhelming sensation. A feeling that told him that this was right, that Donghyuck was most definitely his soulmate.

Jeno didn’t go inside with them, he said the smell reminded him of Donghyuck, that he smelled exactly like this. Mark made sure to take deep breaths and remember the scent. It smelled quite inky, like paint and bleach, but there was also an underlying scent of dust and candles and soft fabrics that Mark couldn’t really pinpoint. The smell enveloped him, and made him feel warm.

“Did Donghyuck give good hugs?” Mark asked quietly. He knew it mightn’t be the best thing to ask, but if they were willing to take him here, he hoped they’d be willing to answer his questions.

“Yeah,” smiled Jaemin, closing his eyes as if he were picturing every moment he and Donghyuck hugged, “It’s like coming home from a long and busy day, or after getting out of a really bad problem and dropping your shoulders. It feels like a relief when you hug him, like he really cares and values just you in the moment. I never really thought about it before now, but Donghyuck gives- gave really good hugs,”

Mark smiled at Jaemin and patted his shoulder before he was gestured by Renjun to follow him. He led him down to behind the counter and took out a folder and began flipping through it.

“I don’t know where the person who’s supposed to be on their shift here is, but I’m sure they wont mind us doing this. All of the designs of Donghyuck’s tattoos are in this, the ones on him. He drew them all himself. You might like to see them because they’re all about you,”

Renjun handed the folder to Mark and told him he could keep it, but that he should look at them later so he could take them in properly. Chenle came over and told him that his favourite one was the hot air balloon on page eight. Mark made a mental note to remember that.

-

The next time they met up was a Saturday night, a month later. They were going to a bowling alley, and all Mark was told was that he was going to be on a team with Chenle and Jeno.

Everyone seemed to be in a good enough mood, no one was too peppy, but no one was down in the dumps either, except for maybe Jisung. He skipped a few of his turns and gave them to Jaemin because he insisted Jaemin was better and would get them a strike, but even an idiot could see his mind was elsewhere. It was when Mark stepped back from his turn and sat next to Jisung that he opened up.

“Every month, we used to come here. It was kind of like a tradition. We always had the same teams,” he confessed, making Mark feel uncomfortable knowing that he was filling Donghyuck’s spot.

Jisung smiled faintly at Jaemin and Chenle who were hugging and high fiving over the strike Chenle just got. They were so excited that it almost looked like the first strike Chenle had ever scored in his life.

“Tomorrow was supposed to be me and Chenle’s wedding.” he sighed and paused before continuing, “It’s fine, though. We can do the wedding anytime, we’re not in a rush or anything.”

Jisung looked at Mark as if he was debating whether or not to say something. He opened his mouth, but then closed it again, furrowing his eyebrows and swirling around the remains of a drink in the glass he was holding.

“Donghyuck was meant to be Chenle’s best man, that’s the only part we can’t really have anymore. I guess that’s why Chenle’s reluctant to plan it again… He doesn’t want it if Hyuck’s not there,”

There was a pause while Mark let everything sink in. No doubt Donghyuck would’ve been Chenle’s best man if they were best friends, but he hadn’t known about the wedding in the first place. Mark cursed himself for showing up too soon, but then he cursed himself for thinking about Donghyuck dying after the wedding. Either way he was dead, either way they all lose.

Jisung stood up, knocking back the rest of his drink and heading to the bathroom. 

Mark followed shortly after. He needed to say something, or at least do something.  
It was kind of ironic, how the man that caused the bruises Mark’s face was hugging the man that caused all of Jisung’s inner pain. Jisung sobbed in the bowling alley’s bathrooms and Mark held his head on his chest. It was the least he could do.

-

Four months it had been now since Donghyuck’s death. The time between Mark’s meetups with the five had become shorter and shorter, until eventually they were meeting up almost twice weekly. 

They had mainly been hanging out at Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin’s apartment instead of having to find a new place to go each time.

On this particular day, the five took Mark to Donghyuck’s apartment before the landlord insisted that it had to be emptied so he could put it back on the market. It was a nice enough place, honestly, Mark wasn’t surprised that Donghyuck lived in style. It was a small single bedroom apartment overlooking the best parts of the city, no wonder the landlord wanted it back up and running. He said they had a month to sort things out and clean up before he put it up.

The first time they all went there with Mark, no one did much cleaning. Instead, they all ended up sprawled across each other on the couch watching all the DVD’s that Donghyuck had stored in a small cabinet under his telelvision. mark loved hearing the little “this was Hyuck’s favourite part"s and "hyuck loved this song"s. Mark felt welcome at Donghyuck’s home. 

His home was his friends and his favourite things, and Mark started to feel at home too.

-

"I’m sorry it took me so long to come here,” Mark apologised. Six months had passed since Donghyuck’s death, but only now Mark was here alone, standing in front of his grave.

It was a nice, single grave with grey rocks and a polished headstone. Mark had brought fresh flowers to replace the ones that had died, but it seemed he needed to do a bit of stem cutting to get them to fit in the vase that was there. He kneeled across the even rocks six feet above the body of his soulmate and began to arrange them.

“My name’s Mark,” he said softly, smiling as he sniffed one of the flowers, “But I assumed you already know that. You’ve been watching over us, right? That strike that Chenle got during the first month, I’m sure that was you. You really got his hopes up didn’t you?”

Mark thought back to how pissed off Chenle had been the next month they went bowling when he got gutterball after gutterball instead of a strike like last time. 

Yeah, that was definitely Donghyuck.

“I thought I’d come and say hi, pay my respects a bit,” he continued, cutting the leaves off of a particularly big flower, “I’ve heard so much about you, from your friends and from all the videos and pictures they showed me. They told me a lot of stories about you, I felt like I needed to talk to you myself,”

Over the past six months, the friends really had talked about Donghyuck maybe too much, but Mark loved it all. He heard everything from Donghyuck and Chenle’s first kiss to the time Donghyuck tried to cover all his tattoos with a foundation that didn’t even match his skin tone.

The Donghyuck that Mark had pieced together through all these stories wouldn’t mind this casual visit to his grave. Mark didn’t want to be a stranger anymore, he didn’t want to feel like he was doing this all for nothing. Mark wanted to know Donghyuck, he wanted to love him.

“So since I know so much about you, I thought I’d tell you a little bit about me, just so we’re even for all those embarrassing stories that Renjun and Jeno told me when we found all your old school pictures in a box in your apartment,”

Mark laughed as his mind was transported back to all the awkward photos he’d seen, and how Jisung and Jaemin had reacted when they saw them, because they had never seen them either.

That had made him feel like less of an outsider, which honestly, sometimes he felt like he’d always be. 

“Oh, speaking of your apartment, I’m actually moving into it, I hope you don’t mind,” Mark had talked to the landlord and he agreed to let Mark take it instead of putting it on the market to rent again. 

LHe had pointed out the fact that no one would want a dead guy’s apartment anyway, and he knew by the look on the landlord’s face that he had won.

“I kept all your paintings and furniture, they’re pretty snazzy. But I’m painting the wall in the sitting room no mattter what. Bright orange with the green rug? Donghyuck were you out of your mind? The place looked like a carrot!”  
Mark chuckled a bit, finishing up with the vase of flowers that were now arranged beautifully underneath Donghyuck’s golden engraved name. He cleared up all the leaves and stepped back to admire his work.

“Not bad,” he commented, tilting his head to see it at a different angle, “I used to work in a florist before I became a supervisor. I’ve always loved every job I had, I guess it’s got to do with me loving being busy all the time. I want to learn to be good at everything I do,”

Mark stopped talking so he could go and move the vase to a more central point in front of the headstone.

“I got you tulips because I don’t think anyone ever asked you what your favourite flower is. I would’ve got you sunflowers, but they’d be a bit too bulky for a grave.”

He realised then that the flowers didn’t have any water yet. No wonder he wasn’t a florist anymore. He took a bottle of water out of the plastic bag he carried them in and emptied its contents into the vase taking care not to spill any on the rocks so it didn’t ruin the aesthetic.

When mark was done, he sat back down on the rocks and fiddled with his thumbs before lying fully back on the grave. He played with the stones in one hand while he sheilded his eyes from the sun with the other.

“I know we can’t be lovers, but I was thinking maybe we could be friends?” Mark asked, “unless you want me to kiss the rocks and just hope they’re in line with your lips,” he started laughing, but slowly it turned into crying.

He bit his lip as words bubbles up in his throat, catching in small coughs and sniffles. His tears fell down the sides of his face, due to his lying position on top of the grave. He squeezed his eyes shut in attempt to calm himself down, but his efforts were fruitless. 

“I’m sorry, I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry, I wanted this to be a happy meeting,” he sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “It’s been a while since I’ve had people to talk to, like your friends- like our friends. I told them that I was gonna stay with you guys forever because I’m probably never going to find anyone as amazing as them. Sometimes no one else matters though, because the only person I’ll ever want to fall in love with is you, and I’m okay with that. I feel like I’m already there,”

Mark was still crying, but he still had more to say. He sat up and looked down at the rocks underneath him. It felt like they were changing colours, and they felt warm in the palms of Mark’s hands.

“I’m okay with living alone, Donghyuck. I promise I won’t try to follow you, but I’ll be with you when my time comes. For now, we can be friends. I’ll visit as much as I can and you keep watching over us, maybe give Chenle another strike if you can,” Mark smiled and his tears stopped. 

He laid back down for another bit while he watched the clouds move in front of the sun until it was too cold to stay outside.

It wasn’t the ideal situation for soulmates, but Mark would make it work. He’d live for Donghyuck, and make sure his memory lasted on earth for as long as Mark did. 

Something was binding them together, a consequence yet hanging in the stars. 

And this time, Mark would be the one to wait until they met again. 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that’s the end! thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it <33


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